Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
