i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I touched a dick in church today
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
