i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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