Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
