I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
