His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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