i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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