break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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