Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize