at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
