Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
