Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
