everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
