Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
