It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
