OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We are all done wearing pants today
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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