If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
