when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
