it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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