I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
