I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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