I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
