i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
