I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize