dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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