Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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