If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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