Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
