How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
