first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
