I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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