you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
