Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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