In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
