I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
