omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
