hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
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Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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