Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
