Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
