so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
