...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
