Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have fence marks all over my body
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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