I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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