Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
