I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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