So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
