If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
