He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
