Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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