We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
