eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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