That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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