Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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