Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
