We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
