just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
