This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
