i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
