my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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