just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
