kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
being pregnant is like rehab
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
