i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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