Soap is not a condiment
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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