When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
