You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
