No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
