i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
