At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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