I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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