Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
