Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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