I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
