I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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