Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
