Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
