I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
