I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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