If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
