I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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